IntroductionLike a lot of things in life, meditation is as complicated as you want to make it. Since the focus of this article is teaching children,keep your expectations realistic. Your kid isn’t going to sit still for half an hour. Two or three minutes is plenty to start with.Keep your explanation simple brief. Do NOT do a “brain dump” and overload them with a gazillion details. Provide a few points on posture, one or two things they might focus on, and the guidelines (”When you get into spot, take a moment or two and get comfortable. Once we start, you stay still.”).The Nuts and Bolts * Environment- A silent place where there wont be any interruptions or disturbances (turn the telephone off). * Spot and Posture- Kneeling. (In the Japanese Zen tradition, this is called seiza). Tops of the feet and shins are flat on the floor, and buttocks rests on the heels. Back straight, head up. Hands can rest on the thighs or be folded in the lap. * Breathing. Through the nose. At a snail’s pace and rhythmically, from the lower abdomen- not the chest or shoulders. * Progressive Relaxation. Early from the top of the head and working down, release any unnecessary tension. * Focus. o Some people count their breaths.. At ‘ten’, start counting backwards. o Some people visually focus on a point in space. o Some focus on nothing in particular, but try to keep their mind tranquil. * Attention. o Tune into your physical body. Weigh . Breathing. Heart rate. Temperature. Every internal sensation and every feeling on the surface of your skin. Experience all of them and do nothing. o Tune into your emotions. Don’t judge, just observe. o Tune into your thoughts. As they arise, imagine they’re like foam and watch them float away. o Tune into your environment. Notice the minute details, the faintest sounds and smells.Do Not: * Fidget. Don’t exchange, don’t stretch, don’t scratch, don’t look around. * Wander. This is not the time to reckon about the future or the past. This is the time to reckon about here and now. * Obsess. Instead, practice letting go. Just release.Goal Just sit. Be still.How Does Any Of This Help A Kid Beat A Bully?No topic what kind of situation you find yourself, there’s one variable that you can control. You.
Imagine a kid who’s being teased, picked-on or intimidated. Instead of reacting with dread or rage or sadness, they are cool. They don’t permit anyone to push their buttons, because they are in full possession of themselves. That child now can make a rational evaluation about what to do. If the bullied child determines the distress-makers are just full of hot air, they can choose not to be bothered, thus removing the bullies prime reward.If they really have to defend themselves, they’ll be far more effectual because they’ll have a clear head, and will be 100% committed to the fight.
Posts Tagged ‘Child’
How To Deal With Bullies- Teaching Meditation To Your Child
Tuesday, August 17th, 2010Parents Must Act If Their Child Is Being Bullied
Monday, July 12th, 2010Most Americans do not take bullying seriously. Sadly, school personnel don’t take it seriously either. One of the most common myths about bullying is that it is “habitual” and “everybody does it.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
Children with special needs may become the victim of a bully. If your child has been, or is, being victimized, he or she feels alone, unsafe and may even feel the persecution is justified. The things of bullying impression mental and physical shape and literary performance, evenly for many years after the actual incidents occur.
Who is a bully and what is bullying
Only about 15 to 20 percent of children are ever involved in bullying, either as a victim or as the bullying child. Bullies are children who have not urban the typical internal restraint system that other children have. Male bullies tend to favor physical aggression, while female bullies tend to strike at a victims’ social standing and friendships.
Bullies start their pattern of aggressive behavior at an early age, and take up again the pattern of intimidation for many years. A well-known Norwegian psychologist who pioneered the study of bullying and how to stop it, Dr. Dan Olweus, identified three basic elements of bullying—bullying involves: 1) a pattern of aggressive behavior, 2) from a child in a spot of power directed towards a child in a weaker spot, 3) with the intention to do harm.
Why does a child become the victim of a bully
Up until about age seven bullies pick on anyone. Between the ages of eight and 16, bullies target specific kids. Those who become targets are more sensitive, alert, and silent than other kids, and more nervous. They also have a negative view of violence, withdrawing from confrontations of any kind and crying when threatened or attacked. When confronted, they are gripped with dread.
The effect of bullying on a child can be loneliness, poor shape, depression, anxiety and poor learning
Being bullied leads to feeling nervous which then increases the child’s vulnerability to further persecution because bullies single out nervous kids. The difficulty victims have in sticking up for themselves seems to make other kids uncomfortable, and gradually, victims of bullying are rejected by their peers and become increasingly isolated and lonely. Research shows that social isolation and rejection produce severe stress.
Children being bullied dread going to school and have stress-induced illnesses such as stomachaches, and headaches. Even after the bullying ends, children who have been bullied are prone to depression and negative self-concept.
It is becoming more clear that children who are victimized have had limited practice in handling conflict. Children need to be given opportunity to solve their own problems. Over-defending parenting can erode a child’s critical problem-solving skills. But, overly strict discipline techniques have the same effect because they limit a child’s chances to learn how to interact and deal with disagreements and conflict.
How to Handle a Bully
Most of the following tips come from an article in print in Psychology Today by Hara Estroff Marano.
What Children Can Do:
What Parents Can Do:
School Bullies! Would You Know if Your Child is Being Bullied?
Saturday, June 12th, 2010Is your child developing weird behavioural problems.A few tell tale signs can suggest that your child is being bullied. Here are a few to question and deal with them previous to it becomes a very terrible situation to handle.Talking to your child evenly and building up strong family relationships can mean a child can tell you they are being bullied and you can intervene previous to its too late. Not all children tell their parents though. you can later explore further just in case a further problem is the produce of a child’s scarce behaviour.
1.If your child has a silent and shy personality bullying can evenly go a miss. A child who does not feel they can approach a parent will evenly not tell you there is a problem, or if they keep coming in from playing outside telling you “mum they keep hitting me” you can sometimes be so busy and sick of them coming in every 10 minutes or so that you “say oh go on and play”, sometimes you want them to fend for them selves and stick up for themselves but bullies evenly pray on children who don’t fight back. so when bulling has become a very serious issue your child will feel they are unable to approach you with any serious problem at all.A child can become withdrawn and not want to play outside after school with their acquaintances.
2.Stealing a child may result in stealing/shop lifting and hiding things from you and then giving them away to try make new acquaintances, it evenly has the bullies then stealing from their lunch boxes, sack cash etc because they are known as a soft touch, and the child who is bullied will feel they will leave me alone if i give into them. which is evenly not the case.The other children could still not want to make acquaintances with your child and may even produce more children to bully your child.. look out for hidden toys, pens, chocolate bars, cash hidden under the pillow or bed which you know you havent given them sack cash for.
3. Loneliness and not keen to join in with other children, its a excellent thought to get your child involved with as many out of school activities as possble, it can aleviate the problem of socializing with children of the same age and is a excellent way for your child to mix with adults too.When your child attends these fixed and is pleased with lots of acquaintances and suddenly doesnt want to join in it can evenly mean bullying is taking place wether at school or even at the activity class.
4.Your child can bully a younger member of the family in revenge against the bullies. Because the younger child is smaller and younger he/she may not be able to hold your son or daughter off if fighting occurs. Your older child will feel poweful and in control where usually the bullies strip this from him/her when bulling happens frequently to your child.
5.Bedwetting, soling of pants, a further tell tale sign that a touch is incorrect.(please note)Children can go through a bedwetting stage around 7so if it is bullying other signs have started to develop such as nightmares, dread of the bullies when you go down the street, thay may make excuses to go a further way round to avoid them.
we hope you never have to come across your child dealing with bulling the worse case was at age 11 one child out of a class of 30….26 children all against one student at school .The problems got worse until age 13 when the child got into a fight after having enough of bullying and finished up with detention plus striped of prefect duty in the last year at school.
Please note The above information is just a guide please look at all possiblities previous to rushing in at the deep end and shouting at the teachers, it could turn out that your child is the major bully after all.Take care why not stay our online store for more articles amd free advice for the under 5’s. at www.cheekychumsonline.co.uk
What if My Autistic Child is Being Bullied?
Tuesday, May 25th, 2010If your child with the disorder of autism has experienced bullying, there are things you can do to avoid it or stop it, as being parent(s), or caregiver(s). The first thing to consider, is what is the identification or facts about bullying?
* A bully has an attitude toward your child with autism, who has no compassion.
* A bully usually feels he or she has more power or is stronger in areas that your child is not, and will try to intimidate your child to have low self-esteem.
* Most bullies are insecure in many ways, and are usually lonely because they have very small or no social skills.
* Some bullies have a reputation of being a bully, and it makes the bully feel strong, so he or she must live up to his or her reputation of that categorize.
You, as parent(s), or caregiver(s), must establish a excellent relationship with your child, so he or she can feel comfortable coming to you without dread if there is bulling that is present. This could be taking place in school, functions, on the school bus, classroom, sports, even in family gatherings, and in families.
You can be on the alert, by identifying some of the bullying facts, and remembering, if your child does come to you with concerns about experiencing bullying, do not shut them out or ignore what he or she is expressing, to you.
It is an brilliant plot, to try and know why the bully is doing this to your child. Realize, that bullies want power and they usually want to ruin and take advantage in some way, of a weaker person, or an individual they can control or diminish. If your autistic child is being bullied, do not tolerate it, it must be stopped and corrected.
It is a challenge, but remember a schoolyard bully is too young to know why he or she is doing the bullying to your autistic child. This kind of an individual, who is doing the bullying, only knows what makes he or she, to feel better. That includes his or her lack of acquaintances and getting attention from others, which makes the bully feel he or she has acquaintances. As I have stated in this article, bullying must come to a halt.
If bullying continues after you as parent(s), caregivers(s), have taken steps to stop it, I would encourage you to contact your local or confidential school, to see if they have an anti-bullying program that is available, and for participation. If not, find out if you could start one and place it together and meet on a weekly or monthly schedule.
No child needs to be bullied. It must be stopped and with the help of parent(s) or caregiver(s) and their insight, it can be avoided.
Is your Child the Victim of a Bully
Monday, January 25th, 2010Everyone has seen the news tales, read the newspaper reports, and has discussed the real issues of bullying. For many of us, it’s simply a
topic of saying, “I’m glad that it hasn’t happened to my child.”
Or has it?
Many times our children are worried to tell us that they are being victimized.
This may be for a variety of reasons. They may be worried that parents will reckon of them as being weak. They may have been threatened that terrible things will happen if they tell anyone. He/she might feel guilty about ‘making a fuss over nothing’. Maybe the child feels like they deserve the bullying. They may also feel that they cannot talk to you.
There are a number of reasons that you may or may not know about.
We will try to help you recognize the signs and help you in resolving the problem of bullying in this article.
Bullying can include one or more of the following types:
threats, verbal abuse, being left out, name calling, harassment, teasing, hitting, pushing, and ignoring.
If you look at the list above and reckon back to when you were in school, you are likely to relate to one or more of these things happening to you
or a name you know. The degree and effect these events have on a child determines the action that we, as parents, need to take in order to help.
What to look for:
1. Bruises, cuts, or scratches
2. Sudden fears
3. Excessive headaches and stomach aches
4. Nightmares
5. Bed wetting
6. Worried to go to school
7. Changes in eating habits
8. Changes in sleeping habits
9. Withdrawn
10. Broken or missing possessions
11. Pretending to be sick in order to stay home from school
12. Mood swings
13. Abnormal amount of calls from school wanting to come home sick
If you see these signs, do not jump to the close that there is a bully in your child’s life.
Reckon of other things that may be bothering
your child. Has there been a split in your family? Is there a new baby? Have you recently went?
If the answer is bullying, it may be a hard subject for your child to talk about. How you approach the situation will make all the difference in how it is rectified.
Try a gentle approach. Your child may deny being bullied. This may just be an excuse to avoid talking about it. Let them know that no child
deserves to be bullied. Also, clarify to them that bullying is more than just physical events. Review the types of bullying with your children.
When they feel that they are in danger, reassure them that asking for help is not tattling.
Your child may be too distressed to talk about it. Try to avoid pressuring them into giving you all the information at one time. Let your child know that you want to help and you are willing to listen anytime he/she wants to talk.
You may get mad yourself about the bullying, but be careful. It’s okay to say to your child that you are upset or mad, but remain cool. Your child will feel safe when they know that you are in control of your emotions and the situation.
Whatever you do, don’t dismiss the bullying as simply a small teasing.
Your child could be feeling a lot of stress. When a child is bullied, whether it is verbal or physical, it is crushing and can hurt self-esteem as well as overall mental shape.
Sometimes it is not a further child that is being the bully; it might be an adult. For example, it could be his/her teacher, a neighbor, or a friend’s parent. In any event, tread lightly as you uncover the problem. Once you know who the bully is, you must have a plot to defeat the problem.
The key is to make sure your child feels secure as you remedy the bullying situation.
If you have single-minded that your child has become the victim of a bully, then you MUST intervene and right the problem.
The question is, how?
It is hard to reason with a bully. They tend to be very troubled children with poor social skills and tumultuous family situations. Most of them crave affection and acceptance.
Please don’t advise your child to ‘fight back’. He/she could get hurt. The very nature of bullying is that it is done by a person or a group of people who have power over their victim in some way – either physical, through size or strength or numbers, or psychological, through surprise or manipulation. Children who are bullied feel powerless in those situations and have very small chance of defending themselves.
The bullying must be stopped as quickly as possible. The longer it continues, the more likely the target child will become hurt both mentally and physically. Some victims ultimately start expressing their rage toward younger and smaller children, or in more violent ways.
Since the majority of bullying takes place in your child’s’ school, we will focus on fixing the problem there. By no means does this mean you can’t apply some of the principles we are talking about in other areas that bullying may be taking place. The first thing you must do is discuss what your intentions are with your child. Your child may by now be feeling humiliated and may feel even worse if you do a touch at the school to make self-conscious him/her.
Reassure your child that help is available and that this is not a touch they will be facing alone. Tell him/her that you will be talking to the school, but you will not produce a scene or make self-conscious them in any way. Discuss possible solutions with your child. Discuss all possibilities, no topic how unrealistic some may be. Talking through it can help you reckon of excellent possibilities.
Get a clear picture from your child as to what has been going on. Who has been doing the bullying? Where and when? How evenly? Any witnesses?
Have they told anyone? Keep notes so that you can refer to them when you talk with the school.
If you feel that the situation is an emergency and you feel that your child is in danger mentally or physically, you must contact the school immediately and set up a meeting. If there is a school resource officer, have him/her present. The parents of the bully should also be at the meeting. The fact of the topic is that the bully’s parents evenly deny the problem. They may defend their child and rationalize the behavior. Be prepared for this and keep your cool. Keep the meeting focused on YOUR child and putting an end to the bullying.
Reckon about what you expect from the school and question what the school will do to stop the bullying. Let them know what you and your child would like them to do. IE: Make sure that the allegations will be taken seriously and the complaint is kept confidential to protect the child. Suggest that more supervision is provided during break times and in hallways. Instruct all staff to keep an eye on those doing the bullying, and that adults will supervise those areas where bullying has taken place.
Question the school to send you a copy of their policy concerning bullying and make sure that the procedures are being followed. Also, question for that you receive a copy of the content and recommendations of your meeting in writing.
One very excellent way to deal with a bully situation is ‘Avoidance’. Coach your child on how to avoid the bully. Have him/her walk home using a different route everyday. Stay close to teachers on the playground. Come inside the minute that the bully appears in the neighborhood. Ultimately
the bully will lose interest in your child.
Sometimes it can help to talk to other parents you trust. Question them if they have ever had to deal with bullies and how they handled it.
In some situations, your child’s events may be unknowingly inviting the bullying. The child who the bully ‘targets’ is typically small for his/her age, sensitive, silent, and well liked by adults. The bully’s victim may not have many acquaintances; therefore other children aren’t likely to come to his/her defense.
A child who is feeling vulnerable is more likely to be picked on. There may have been recent changes to your home and family life, such as the birth of a new baby, or a separation, or a death in the family, which may have your child feeling more vulnerable. Talk through any family problems and listen to how your child feels about things. A child who feels heard and understood will feel more able to cope with the situation.
We have found through our research that many times a child who is doing the bullying has some problems themselves. There is a touch causing them to act in the way they do. They may be being bullied themselves, or have been in the past. Many times it is from their own household. Part of the solution to the bullying problem is to try and help the bully!
Even though you can not exchange what has by now happened, there is a lot you can do to help your child feel safer and to avoid being bullied.
The largest and most powerful is by building his/her self-esteem and self-confidence. The bullies will look for weaker targets.
Following are a few basic strategies you can share with your children:
Ignore the bully
Walk away from the bully
Refuse to fight
Question for help
We wish fantastic shape and happiness for you and your family!
Steve McChesney
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